Lying in bed, I couldn't help think about one thing I am going to miss when I go back to school. I knew it would be impossible to go to sleep until I wrote this down, so here I am typing. Usually something like this would go in my journal, but I think this is something I need to share. I will miss my dog sleeping with me, because strangely I see myself in her. I see what everybody wants in her. The battle I have is, I believe, one that everyone struggles with, whether it be infrequent or everyday. I will miss not having to sleep alone every night. I will miss being able to think someone actually wants to be with me, wants to cuddle- even if it is only my dog haha.
My dog's name is Saba and she came into the family as a surprise. We lost our German Shepherd CJ this year which, as weird as some people might see it, devastated us. He was an amazing dog, a dog we miss dearly. The adoption story of Saba is a long one but to make it short we weren't going to get another dog but Saba was a stray at the vet clinic I work at and one day I came home to her sitting in my living room. Now that I think of it CJ also had the qualities I see in Saba, but he showed it in a different way.
Saba is a German Shepherd about eighty pounds but she really thinks she is a lap dog. When I say this I mean she jumps on the couch to sit in someone's lap and she gets into bed with me or my sister. She doesn't just lay there at the bottom of the bed she lays on top of us. It is this occurrence that happened every night I was home this week that made me realize all she wants is not to be alone and to feel loved. Isn't that what everyone wants? I know that is my weakness. Going back to school I will miss the connection I had with her. I know I am drawn to be around her and to pet her because I can see the sadness and need in her eyes. I know this sounds crazy, I see the need in the eyes of my dog, but how could someone not? Animal lover doesn't begin to cover me, I see personalities and souls in animals. After all Saba does snore like humans and so did CJ. This is the reason I crawl into cages during work to calm a scared dog down.
What I am trying to get at is why is it so hard for people to understand the universal desire and need for humanity, the desire to be loved and not feel alone? I struggle with this question everyday. How hard is it to call a friend for a couple minutes or take a fifteen minute train ride to see a friend in need? Why is it impossible for people to see how happy they make another? Why don't they see how important they are to that person and actually give them the time of day? Maybe they could feel the same way? Why is it that,“too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around?” It blows my mind how selfish humans can be at times. If only we could see the commonalities among us.
I believe this question will be with me all my life if it's not one of the age old questions humanity deals with. These are the questions that consume my mind, questions that keep me (or you) awake at night. I guess that is why I don't get much sleep. But how could anyone when there are things as great and mysterious as this on one's mind? Am I the only one who sees it this way? Am I the only one who, and yes I know how vulnerable I am making myself by saying this, but am I the only one who wishes for love that casts away all the loneliness deep inside? What makes me question this even more is listening to Taylor Swift. No matter what anyone thinks about her, the lyrics she writes resinates with every girl, if not everyone. Tonight listening to I Knew You Were Trouble reminded me of the first boy I fell in love with. That good or bad memories, depending on how you look at it, reinforced even more how love always shows hope of appearing and loneliness disappearing-ending only with each hope to be ripped away. What do you think? What I know is one should... "Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers" - Voltaire
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